


Blameless

by KittyBits



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Abusive Neil Hargrove, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Billy is Alive, Gay Billy Hargrove, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Maxine "Max" Mayfield is a good sister, POV Billy Hargrove, Post-Season/Series 03, Pre-Slash, Slurs, mainly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-10-10 02:03:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20520152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyBits/pseuds/KittyBits
Summary: Max, deciding to be a good younger (step-) sister makes sure Billy gets a nice and easy introduction into the world of monsters.By recruiting Steve Harrington.And Billy isn't mad to have him show up in the Hargrove house, he just has a lot of emotions he has to deal with. Both about Steve Harrington but also the fact that he was just almost killed by a tentacle monster that possessed him.And also, there are magic kids around?





	1. About needing a friend

**Author's Note:**

> So Billy is alive, which is the only change from canon really. And just because this idea caught a hold of my brain and demanded to be written, as sometimes they do.
> 
> Apologies for any grammatical errors and other bullshit. I haven't written fanfic in a while and English isn't my first language and no betas, we die like men or the sleep deprived adult I happen to be.

Steve has never thought of it before, not realistically, not really.

Not as if it concerns himself.

Not until one late afternoon on a Saturday in October.

He's off for the weekend, Robin isn't so he's spending time with the kids, just Mike, Lucas, Dustin and Max, the only ones still left in the city.

The boys have left the room and have been gone for several minutes and the Hargrove living room is awkwardly silent and a space he isn't used to, but Mr. and Mrs. Hargrove is in the hospital visiting Billy (and how come he gets to survive when Hop doesn't?) and Max had insisted and the boys had agreed so here he is.

So it's silent and awkward and he feels like he's intruding in a way he doesn't want to examine too closely when Max turns to him and breaks him of his spiraling thoughts.

”Robin is a lesbian right?”

And his first thoughts are: _yeah, but too old for you_, and: _where's this coming from_, and _I don't think I'm the right person to talk about these things with, _and _if she was, I don't think I'm supposed to tell you, as her friend and everything._

He settles on saying: ”What's it to you?” And Max doesn't reply for a long stretching moment with anything but a very unimpressed look.

”Are you?” she asks, and really?

”No,” he says, deadpan, ”I'm not a lesbian.”

”No, but seems like you're an asshole who plays at being obtuse,” and what is with these kinds he hangs out with being smarter than him and using long fancy words he isn't familiar with?

”But I'm not a lesbian,” he insists, trying to cover up for not knowing what she means.

”So are you homosexual then?” she asks.

And Steve splutters and feels his face heating up and his heart pounding, because maybe he hasn't like consciously thought abut this but maybe in the furthest parts of his brains this niggling thought, this suspicion, has bubbled close to the surface on several occasions after he and Robin had that heart-to-heart in the Starcourt bathrooms.

”I used to date Nancy Wheeler,” he manages to say, to object and Max looks at him like Robin does sometimes, like he's too stupid to know his own mind and need a smarter woman-slash-teenage-girl to tell him what he's really about.

”So you like both?” She says. ”I think that's a thing. I'm pretty sure one of Billy's friends back in California liked both. Said she was a bisexual. Are you bisexual?”

”I'm – what is this?” he says, his cheeks burn and he desperately wishes the boys would come back – where did they go anyway? ”Where did the boys go, shouldn't they be back now?” He asks with a stilted laugh.

”I told Lucas to give me some time with you, I need your help.”

”I really don't think I'm the right person to talk to about these sorts of things,” he says, airing his earlier thought.

”When Billy gets out he's gonna need a friend. Someone he can talk to about what happened and that he can't just sleep with and alienate so he doesn't get to examine his feelings about this and while Robin is super cool and great at making boys confront their feelings I think she and Billy are too much alike, like mentally and temperamentally and that leaves you and Nancy and she is really not an option for this.”

And Steve is speechless.

”What?” He croaks.

”I'm asking if you will try to make friends with Billy.” She looks deadly serious, like this is important to her, and he remembers how she was in the days after the Starcourt incident. How she was like a ghost, a shade of herself, until Billy was released to Hawkins General Hospital and she got to go visit and see that he was still alive. So Steve supposes their relationship is better than it was in the beginning, that maybe it wasn't so much outright hatred as it was antagonistic, which incidentally is one of the only SAT-words he remembers studying with Nancy. Incidentally being the other.

But despite the absurdity of what Max is asking him, Steve takes a moment to think it over, really consider it. And he sees the logic of Max' suggestion, he would have loved to have someone who wasn't a kid, a reluctant girlfriend or two adults that he hardly knew to talk over the shit they all experienced when he was first introduced to the craziness that was The Upside Down and the hell that followed.

Maybe his girlfriend wouldn't have dumped him, if they both had someone to talk to.

Someone who wasn't Jonathan Byers who really only wanted said girlfriend.

Not that Steve was still upset about that.

Much.

But even if he agreed to Max' proposal:

”What makes you think Billy would want to be friend with _me_?” he asks, emphasizing the _me,_ to underscore the weirdness of thinking that he would be the best option.

Him.

Steve Harrington.

_King Steve._

The stupidest Hawkins High graduate in probably history.

Max rolls her eyes and looks vaguely smug, like he has already accepted, which, if that is his only objection he as good as has.

Maybe Steve is too much of a pushover?

”Are you kidding me?” Max asks, smiling indulgently which is just not right. ”Billy would absolutely love to be your friend. Absolutely _love,_” she emphasizes when Steve opens his mouth to object to that obvious lie.

And while he closes his mouth Max must still see his doubt on his face, which doesn't feel like burning anymore, so hopefully his earlier blush has faded.

”I'm going to tell you something I haven't told anyone,” Max says like it's a secret and she looks around them like the boys have returned without them noticing which is physically impossible and gets up from the floor where she has been sitting to join him on the couch.

”The reason we left California and moved to this actual hellhole that is Hawkins, and you don't need to object – I like it here, but I didn't in the beginning and it doesn't change the fact that actual monsters occur here regularly,” which, yeah, Steve can't object to that without lying, so he lets Max continue.

”I'm not sure my mom knows, that she thinks we moved just because Neil got offered a promotion here, but the truth is that we moved because Neil asked to move us as far away from California because he caught Billy...” and Max takes a long pause, looking at Steve expectantly, as if he would know what she is talking about. ”With a boy.”

And Steve is speechless again, can see on Max's face that she is not kidding around.

”But,” he says and it sounds weak, tentative to his own ears. ”All the girls?”

”What about them?”

And what about them indeed. Didn't Max just tell him that apparently you can like both girls and boys.

”Does that mean Billy is – what did you call it – bisexual?” And Max shakes her head before he finishes forming the word.

”No, I'm pretty sure that he is straight up homosexual. Gay. A pansy boy and all those other bad words. All the flirting he does is mostly to give himself a reputation, I think. One that Neil might even hear about.”

And that just sounds odd.

”What does Neil have to do with that? Does he not like homosexuals?” and as Steve realizes the stupidity of the question, the answer is obvious. ”Don't answer that. He moved you out here because he caught Billy with a boy, but if he suspects Billy is with another boy again, he'll do what? Move you again?”

And Max looks distinctly sad at the question, eyes starting to get shiny with what Steve is deadly afraid is actual tears.

”I'm scared that he might kill him. Like he almost did back in Cali.” And Steve moves without conscious thought, wrapping Max in a tight hug, because that sounds scary as hell in a way that has nothing to do with literal monsters and has she talked to anyone about this? Is she scared for herself too? How can she live with a man like that? A human monster like that? Does her mother know?

”Does your mother know about that?” He asks and she shakes her head against his chest, hugging him back for a moment before pulling back.

”She knows that Neil knocks him about when Billy does something that provokes him, like getting me back home too late...”

”That's not your fault!” Steve says urgently, grabbing her gently by the shoulders, and Max looks at him with big eyes and swallows before she moves in for another tight hug that Steve returns hoping his grip doesn't hurt her and trusting her to let him know if it does.

When she pulls out of the hug she leans against his side, and he lets his arm rest over his shoulder feeling supremely protective of her, in a way that has been slowly growing since he first met her and was ready to face down several demo-dogs to save her life.

”You know,” Max says quietly while Steve muses over his protectiveness of his stupid kids and briefly considers if he should make Robin help him look into what sort of education was needed to work in childcare.

He hums to let her know he's listening to her.

”This is why I want you to talk to Billy. I think he needs someone to tell him it isn't his fault too.” And shit, this kid is too smart for her age. And also the idiots she usually hangs out with.

”Well, I guess I'll try to make friends with him then,” he says and smiles down at her. She returns the smile and he gives her a little squeeze with his arm. ”But if he kills me I would like you to know that I was of sound mind and knew the risks and that you held minimum responsibility in the matter.”

She gives a mirthful snort at this.

”And if he turns out not wanting to be friends with me you did your best, but -” he continues but is interrupted when Max twists in his arm and gives him a look he doesn't quite get.

”Of course he wants to be your friend,” she says. ”That's all he ever wanted since meeting you. He's absolutely crazy about you. I've seen him stare at you all the time, also I'm pretty sure the reason he hates Nancy – actual hate – is because he's jealous of her and despises her for cheating on you, which is a really asshole move, and I say that actually liking her-” And Max chatters on for a while and eventually moves back onto the floor where she picks up the comic she left and then the boys come back in holding rented VHS tapes arguing over which to watch first and nothing of this registers with Steve who is sat on the couch during everything, gobsmacked. Speechless. Mouth slightly open.

He is thinking about Billy Hargrove, who needs a friend and has an awful dad. Who has blond hair and blue eyes and looked very muscular and tan the one time Steve went to the community pool to watch the kids.

Billy Hargrove who is maybe a homosexual.

Billy Hargrove who maybe likes Steve.

And now Steve thinks about _it_.

Realistically, _really_.

As if it is about himself.

And Steve's cheeks starts to burn again.


	2. About being lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had more to say.
> 
> Apologies for any anachronisms in wording, being born in 1990 I don't really know the proper lingo. Being European doesn't help that particularly either.
> 
> There's gonna be a couple more chapters. 
> 
> And lastly some warning:  
Billy uses some pretty derogatory words about himself and his sexuality.  
And I only watched the show through once, so explanations about past incident will be kept vague and maybe skirt actual canon.

Billy is aware that he's dying. Slowly wasting away.

If not from boredom then surely from being fucking _gored_ by some fucking _tentacle monster_ in this _shit_ town's sad parody of a mall.

So yeah, maybe it's gonna be confusion that will kill him.

He is not sure how, maybe he will walk into traffic because he thinks the voice is back telling him to hurt someone, to bring someone back to be devoured, hollowed out and replaced with the same blackness of a presence that fucked up his summer, his life and his body.

But really, the most urgent threat to his continued survival is most definitely boredom.

He has been out of the hospital for three days, and while he _longed_ to leave while he was in, machines hooked to his body in the most invasive ways, beeping incessantly, no one for company but the nurses and doctors that would sometime check in on him – and always only check in, never check out, as if getting stabbed through the chest has killed his good looks – sometimes his dad and Susan, coming to play concerned parents.

Max came by with them once.

He did not get a chance to talk to her alone, Neil and Susan always within eye-, if not ear-shot.

He has so many questions for her.

What she and her stupid little friends where doing in the mall. By the pool when they locked him in the sauna. How they knew to do that. How they killed the monster, because he sure as shit did not and he did not see any fucking adults – what kinda of absurd shit place was Hawkins really?

Who Max's friend was. The girl. The one he tried to strangle, that monster made him strangle. The one who looked him in the eyes and made him see things, remember things, who talked to him about-

How was that even possible?

But no.

He did not get a chance to interrogate the squirt. Had not even had a chance to object when she patted his hand and whispered ”When you get out” and left with Neil and Susan.

So now he is waiting. Laid up on the couch in the living room. Pillows at his back and TV-tray beside him, ready for the meals Susan brings him every few hours like the perfect wife she appears to aspire to.

And Max is nowhere to be seen. Never home outside evening meals, and then she does nothing but give him furtive glances from the dining table before skittering upstairs to her room.

He swears that he can hear her in the night. When the burning pain keeps him awake.

He doesn't want to take the pain pills.

Knows that they are opiates.

Knows from back in Cali what they will do to a person if not taken carefully.

Remembers what they did to Jim.

So he lies awake until his body is too exhausted to stay conscious. And until that happens he listens. To the sounds of the house shifting. To the creaking and shifting. To the silence in his head.

And to a faint girlish voice talking.

He figures it's her shitty friends she's talking to even though he isn't really certain how they do it, because the phone is beside him in the living room.

But then again.

Monsters are real.

A girl knew his deepest secrets.

Maybe magic is real.

Maybe Max has string phone, two cups connected by string across the town to her stupid boyfriend or any of the other vermin she hangs out with. Maybe she talks with Harrington.

Which is stupid and unlikely and a thought that actively makes Billy scoff.

Until Susan walks into the living room after answering the door and beams at him.

”Billy, one of your friends has come to visit,” and what the hell, Harrington follows after her, looking sheepish and stupid and like he has just recovered from some shit too, judging from the yellow skin around his eyes, the healing cut above his eye.

”Harrington,” Billy says in greeting when Susan gives him a look at his stumped silence. He even manages to not have it sound like the question it feels like.

She does a turn towards Harrington and lays her hand on his shoulder and Billy rolls his eyes but then stares as Susan speaks.

”Neil and I are so grateful you were there that night, taking care of Max and making sure Billy got out before he got hurt too badly.”

What.

Harrington was there? Does he remember seeing him there? He can't really remember it too clearly, not until after the girl and the strangling and all that.

What the hell had Harrington been doing there? With Billy's harpy of a step-sister and probably the entire group of kids that he babysits.

And the Wheeler bitch? The young one, she was there too, was she not?

And Creepy Byers?

”Let me know if you boys need anything” Susan says as she leaves the room and she may be giving Billy some sort of look but he is too busy staring at Harrington.

He keeps staring as Harrington scopes out the room and finally decides to sit down in the armchair across the table that ensures easy sight-lines for Billy's immobile form.

”What the hell are you doing here?” he asks after the silence between them has stretched too long and Harrington has opened and closed his mouth as if to speak on three separate occasions.

”I talked to Max,” Harrington starts, and fucking sure. Conniving little bitch can't even talk to him herself. Has to send the fucking babysitter, probably hoping he won't attempt to fuck him up again.

Which, he can barely make it to the bathroom on his own and has considered if he could hide an empty bottle under the couch that he could piss in.

Max's forethought can't stop him acting like an asshole though.

”Sure she did,” he says with a sneer. ”You're the one she tagged to explain what the hell has been going on with me then?” And Harrington shrugs.

Stupid asshole.

Stupid, good-looking asshole.

”Well?” He asks after Harrington continues not saying anything. ”Are you afraid I'll fuck you up or something if I don't like what i hear, because to be honest – I think you might actually stand a chance in a fight against me at the moment.” He smirks as Harrington rolls his eyes, he is so fucking easy to rile up.

”I don't really know how to start,” he explains himself, and Billy is not impressed.

”Start with the beginning?” he suggests.

”Shit, Hargrove,” and fuck, Billy loves it when he swears,” this all started before you even came to town – it's a pretty long story.” But Harrington doesn't look too reluctant.

”I don't have anywhere to be” Billy says. ”Do you?”

” I have a shift at five,” Steve says.

”They risked opening another Scoops Ahoy?”

”No, Robin and I got jobs at the video rental.”

”I bet you have shit taste in movies,” Billy taunts. He sort of hopes Harrington isn't going to end up with a crush or something on the dyke. Can't really warn him without exposing himself. And Billy can't have Harrington suspect how much he wants to get one of his hands or even his mouth on his cock.

Bily has sneaked a peak in the showers after training: it's a good looking cock.

”Do you want to know what is going on, or do you want to fight? I don't really have time for both,” Harrington says, obviously incapable of coming up with a smart repartee.

”Shit, Harrington,” Billy says in a faux put out voice. ”I thought we were friends – you can come visit anytime, we have time for both.”

Harrington starts to rise.

”Sit down,” Billy says. ”Fine. I'll stop messing with you.”

And Harrington sits down, crosses his arms, uncrosses them. Leans forward, then back.

”Start talking,” Billy growls and Harrington sort of jumps in the chair, straightening up.

”So a while back, Will Byers went missing-”

And it's a long story. And Harrington is a crap story-teller. Jumping back and forth in the timeline and between involved parties, obviously not knowing all the details.

But Billy gets the the big strokes.

Mini Byers go missing.

Everyone looks for him:

The Nerd Herd that finds a weird magical girl in the woods.

His mom and Hop who finds out something to do with Christmas lights.

Sort of Nancy and creepy Byers, after Nancy's best friend disappears after a small party at Harrington's house and eventually turns up dead.

All the while Mini Byers is stuck in some parallel world that the idiots call The Upside Down because of something to do with a folded paper with a pencil stuck through it.

He doesn't really see where Harrington figures into it all, but apparently he joined Nancy and Byers to beat up some monsters of a sort.

And it all sounds completely insane.

Like certified, belongs-in-an-asylum-insane.

But he is still trying to get over being actually possessed and he and his family still hasn't come to town by the way Harrington is telling it.

Eventually Harrington stops talking after explaining that they went into this fucking parallel world to get Byers and Eleven went to hide in the woods, and shit, is that a kid with a worse fucking dad than Billy has?

Harrington fiddles with the coffee cup that Susan brought him at some point, bringing Billy a glass of water because some idiot doctor said he needed to keep up on his fluids after losing a shit ton of blood.

It just makes him have to piss about 700 times a day, which is an actual physical pain with his immobility issues.

”And then what?” Billy prompts Harrington as he stares himself blind on the stupid cup, not saying anything.

”Well, then you guys came to town. The kids were pretty wary of Max to begin with, apparently she beat their high-scores at a couple crucial games at the arcade. And you were at the Halloween party where Nancy blew up on me.” Harrington shrugs. ”She was still pretty messed up about Barb I realize now, officially she's still only missing.”

”I don't really give a shit about your personal issues, Harrington,” Billy says, but it doesn't really have the bite he thinks the remark deserves.

”I should go,” Harrington says and stands.

”What the hell, no,” Bill says and shifts a bit in his seat, he wants to stand up too and make Harrington get right back down and on with the fucking story.

”I need to go to work,” Harrington says, apologizes.

”You can't expect me to believe that's all there is,” Billy objects and Harrington shakes his head.

”That's just the beginning, but I don't want to be late, Robin-”

”Fuck that little dyke,” Billy interrupts and Harrington's eyes widen, deep brown and breath-taking and looking fucking upset on her behalf, as if it's a filthy lie. ”Sorry, I didn't mean that,” Billy says, still sort of lying, because he is decidedly not sorry about bursting Harrington's probable bubble on Robin's sexuality, but he is sorry for inspiring the affronted look.

”I won't tell her you said that then.” Harrington shifts the cup in his hands. ”I'll come back when I have time again.”

”First in the day fits my busy schedule best,” Billy offers and Harrington nods, as if he understands. Like he gets why Billy doesn't want the hottest boy in school visiting when Neil comes home from work. Which is impossible.

Right?

Max wouldn't say anything.

Would she?

”I'm not sure I can make it tomorrow, my shift starts at 12.”

”Day after?”

And Billy feels a bit pathetic planning for when Harrington can next come by, but he is fucking bored.

And kind of lonely.

And so goddamned confused.

So far what Harrington has told him only just begins to explain what is going on in Hawkins, and it sounded pretty much like the gate to The Upside Down was closed by magic girl Eleven.

But Billy still got possessed.

”Day after I can do,” Harrington says with a nod. ”Around ten?”

”Sounds super.”

”I could bring a movie?”

Billy gives him the cockiest look he has practiced in front of his mirror.

”Why, sure Steeeeve, that sounds like a great date idea,” he drawls and to his great surprise Harrington blushes at that.

No annoyed eye-roll and tired look in sight.

The giant goober blushes and stares fixedly at the cup he's holding.

”Fuck off,” he tells the cup. ”I'm trying to be friendly here, asshole.”

Billy's heart is beating really hard, and he bites his lip at the way Harrington looks, then stops biting it because what if he caught him doing that?

”Well, being laid up all day is pretty fucking boring. I wouldn't actually turn you out if you brought something.” He tries to sound nonchalant but comes of sounding sort of disgusting.

Like the faggot Neil accuses him of being when he gets really upset.

”Alright then,” Harrington says. He meets Billy's eyes. ”I'll see you the day after tomorrow.”

”See you.” Billy watches Harrington leave the room, and finds himself calling out to him after he steps out of view. ”Wait, Harrington.”

Harrington returns.

”Yeah?”

”About that movie?” Harrington nods and Billy smirks, ”Maybe ask Robin for some suggestions, I don't really trust your taste in flicks.”

And there is the eye-roll, the annoyed head throw and Billy's stomach flutters.

Harrington glances away and stares right back at Billy when he flips him the bird before turning on his heels and leaving the room.

Billy cannot stop the loud cackles of laughter.

Even if it makes his entire body burn with pain.


	3. About kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Billy's POV again. Think it might be throughout.

Billy is cautious in expecting Harrington's next visit.

He said he would come, and he doesn't seem the type to go back on his word. Harrington is that sort of up-standing citizen from what Billy has seen of him.

But on the other hand, Billy has been nothing but horrible to him.

Neil amounts of horrible.

Goading and bullying and just straight up beating the life out of him.

Shit, if the crazy kids hadn't stepped in, who knows if Harrington would still be alive.

Billy had had a giant crap of a day. Starting with getting slapped around by Neil from the morning to Max not being there when he was supposed to pick her up after school to getting another slapping around when he came home without the little shit to the hours he spent driving around town, looking for her in her usual haunts.

He won't try to excuse what he did, but Max is probably pretty lucky Harrington had been there to take the brunt of his simmering anger.

Not that he has ever hurt her, or will, if he is in his right mind. But her stuff is always an option, has been his outlet on previous occasions, when Max's actions lead to him getting hurt.

Despite Max being a little bitch and getting him into trouble with her thoughtless actions he don't ever want to lay a hand on her.

Although maybe he has been too rough when he grabs at her and hauls her by her arm. Has probably left bruises in the shape of his fingers.

He hates it when his anger gets to him and he can't hear over the roaring in his ears.

She is just a kid.

Doesn't deserve the treatment.

Like he didn't.

He tries to be friendlier now, not that he can do much stuck on the couch.

He smiles at her when she meets his eyes, the few times that has happened.

It's not much. Not when she keeps avoiding spending time in the house, always out, probably with her friends and not telling Billy what the hell they're doing. Hopefully not messing around with the monsters and mystical shit that's happening out in the forest. He has no idea what they do, and is stuck either alone or with simpering Susan, who is beyond herself with domestic pleasure, that finally the two kids are making friends.

It's an unusual feeling to have her disappointed looks not directed his way but after Max when she jolts up the stairs to her room to hide away.

Billy isn't sure that he likes it that way.

Neil doesn't seem to appreciate it and that makes Billy all kinds of nervous.

But Harrington does visit again.

He arrives just when Susan is about to go out shopping and Billy can hear her welcoming him and telling him to feel at home and serve himself whatever he wants from the fridge and to look after Billy.

Billy rolls his eyes and tries to sit up straighter against the couch cushions, which is hard and pulls painfully in his chest.

Harrington comes directly to the living room, hovers in the doorway while he checks Billy out.

In a painfully non-sexual way.

”You look better,” he says and Billy lifts an eyebrow at that. He wants to shrug but that hurts like a motherfucker.

”Was bound to happen,” he says causally, like he didn't spend half an hour in the bathroom after Neil left for work, doing his hair as good as he could manage and contemplating putting on a bit of Susan's make-up. To look less corpse-like.

So he knows he looks better. Still shit, but better.

”I brought the movie I promised,” Harrington says and waves the VHS-tape in his hand. ”Robin picked it out.” He puts it on the coffee table and takes a few hesitant steps towards the chair he occupied last time. Looks back at Billy as if he's going to stop him.

”Sit down,” he instructs. ”What movie did she pick?”

Harrington shrugs, the lucky able-bodied bastard. ”Don't know it, looked old.” He tosses his head to get the fringe out of his eyes, sits, swallows.

He looks really fucking good.

”If you want a drink or anything before you continue the horror story you need to get it yourself. There's water in the tap and pop in the fridge.”

”I'm fine,” Harrington says.

”Glasses are above the sink.”

”Are you insinuating something?”

”Long word, Harrington, I'm impressed. You almost used it correctly even.”

”What do you want?” There's a hint of anger to Harrington's voice and a lot of different answers to his question. Billy smirks.

”So kind of you to ask since I'm all infirm and everything, why I would love a Coke.” He flutters his eyelashes, feels immensely satisfied when Harrington blushes just slightly and gets up and goes to the kitchen.

With him out the room Billy takes a moment to take stock of his reaction to him.

Harrington looks really fucking edible. Light blue Henley, nice, tight jeans. Hair fluffy and soft-looking. Billy thinks his lips looks redder than usual, like he has worried at them with his teeth or maybe like they're fresh from a make-out.

Billy would not say no if he offered.

Or, well he would, but he would feel sad about it. Cheated. He doesn't know when Susan will be back and just really does not feel safe in this fucking house. Maybe he would ask for a rain-check. For when he is mobile enough to leave the house. He could take Harrington out into the forest – or maybe not. Maybe they would go to Harrington's place. Billy thinks he remembers Tommy mentioning parents that are never home and with an entire house to mess around in-

A glass and a bottle of coke is set down in front of him, rousing him from his musings and his face heats up in embarrassment. He has to take a moment to school his expression but when he looks up Harrington looks none the wiser.

Gorgeous fucking idiot.

The boy has brought a glass of water for himself.

Giant goober.

Billy pours the coke into the glass, carefully, in the least painful way he has found. Harrington looks at him with badly concealed impatience. It's fucking hot. The annoyance makes his jaw tight and his nostrils flare when he exhales harshly.

”You ready for me to start or should I come back another day?” he asks with frustration tinting his voice.

”Please, ”Billy says to be a shit and takes a sip of his pop.

Steve narrows his eyes, but leans back and starts:

”So when Will came back from The Upside Down apparently he was possessed.”

And Billy almost chokes.

The next stage of the story is just as crazy as the first, if not more.

Now there's fighting actual physical monsters. More people dying. Harrington bonding the with kids and Max. More magical kids. Regular kids fighting monsters while magical kids close the gate to fucking Hell.

And Billy finds it really hard to concentrate on the things Harrington is telling that isn't specifically about Will Byers.

When he stops talking Billy's hands are clenched around a full glass of luke-warm pop and Harrington is toying with his empty water glass. He's looking at Billy expectantly.

”He was possessed?” Billy asks after a moment and Harrington's eyebrows shoot up. Billy knows how weak his voice sounded, all fucking soft and scared even. Steve nods. Susan clangs around in the kitchen, but it doesn't do anything to break the tense atmosphere between them.

She hasn't been in to check on them besides when she came back a while back.

”How old was he?”

”I don't know,” Harrington says with a shrug. ”I think 12?”

Billy feels sick.

”Shit,” he says and sets the glass carefully on the coffee table so he doesn't end up hurtling it at the wall. He rubs his face and leans back to stare at the ceiling. ”12,” he repeats.

”Why does that matter?” Harrington asks.

”Why does that-?” Billy glares hard at Harrington who looks back with wide surprised eyes at the raised voice, so he takes a deep breath. He does very much not want Susan to come investigate. ”He was 12,” Billy says carefully. ”He was just a _kid_.”

That does seem to register with Harrington who straightens in the chair, shuffles to his edge of his seat.

”I mean, yeah” he says. ”But he had people there, you know, his mom, Hop, all those scientists.” He looks worried. ”He had people that cared about him, who took, like, charge and were responsible for making him better. He didn't have to deal with it all on his own.” And shit, Billy can't keep up the eye contact when Harrington has this look is his eyes.

Like he pities him.

”You on the other hand-”

”I'm not a child,” Billy bites out. He stares fixedly down at his throw-covered legs, but his eyes burn.

He's afraid he won't be able to keep the tears back if Harrington says the right thing.

Or wrong thing, really.

”Legally-” Billy scoffs.

”Legally is the only way in which I'm still a kid,” he says angrily. His eyes burn.

Harrington doesn't say anything in a long while. Billy is glad of it, it gives him a chance for the tears to fuck right off.

He knows though.

Harrington isn't that stupid. He saw.

How messed up Billy is about all this.

Fuck, he can't believe this also happened to a _kid_.

”I have to go now,” Harrington says and Billy nods, doesn't look at him. ”I can come back tomorrow? Tell you the rest?” Billy nods.

”Sure, you can return the movie after,” he says.

Harrington stands and takes a few steps towards the kitchen. He stops though.

Just past where Billy's head is resting.

”The kids shouldn't have tried to help you on their own,” he says quietly. Billy's eyes start to burn again. ”They should have come to me, or Hop or Joyce. Even Nancy or Jonathan. You shouldn't have had to deal with all that without someone to lean on.”

Billy bites his lip to stop from... From sobbing? His throat burns. His vision is blurry.

He's crying.

”You didn't deserve to have to deal with it all on your own.”

Harrington leaves the room. Billy takes a deep, shuddering breath as he hears his murmured voice in the kitchen, hears Susan's low reply.

Billy wipes angrily at his face, wet.

He wants to curl into a tight ball and bawl his eyes out.

But he can't.

Susan is in the next room and it would hurt like shit.

So he turns onto his side with his back to the room instead.

He hears the outer door close and a after a few moments Susan comes over, crouches next to the couch.

”How are you doing, Billy?” She asks. Her voice is careful and motherly and he shakes his head, burrows it against the back of the couch. ”Steve said he might have worn you out a bit,” she continues. ”Do you think you should maybe take a nap?”

”I guess,” Billy replies. His voice is thick but that could be from sleepiness.

”Do you want a pain pill?” Susan asks kindly. After a bit Billy nods and Susan gets up and goes to the bathroom, returns after after a moment with a pill and a glass of water.

”I'll try to be quiet, you just rest up.” She strokes his hair as she leaves and Billy's whole body aches with how much he misses his own mother. And also the wounds.

He turns as quickly he can without aggravating anything and swallows the pill with a mouthful of water.

Then he turns back into the back of the couch and presses his eyes tightly closed.

He's still crying but maybe the pills will help him numb all the pain and he can sleep.

Maybe it can numb _all_ the pain.


	4. About friends

Billy is pretty damned pissed off when Harrington returns the following day. The fact that he actually brings the bitch of a dyke who lit the dumpster fire that was the previous night brings his piss to an absolute boil.

Susan sets drinks of coffee and water in front of their two guests and Billy glares. He waits a moment when she goes upstairs to take the nap she announced she wanted before even considering opening his mouth.

Harrington and Buckley wait for him.

He carefully leans forward on the couch.

“Dancing in the _fucking _rain?” He hisses. “You thought that was a good idea?”

Buckley shrugs.

Harrington looks confused.

“You thought it was a good idea to lend a fucking musical for me? If I wasn't already practically inform and without Susan making it look like it was a family night I could be dead right now.”

“Oh yeah,” Buckley says and mirror his lean, placing her chin in her hand with an infuriating look of mock interest on her face. “And why is that?”

“You know damn well why,” Billy replies with a sneer.

“I don't,” Harrington says and Billy and Buckley both look at him before sharing a look.

“You want I can explain it?” she offers.

“Musicals are for girls and queers,” Billy says instead of taking her up on her offer. Heaven knows what she would say to explain.

“Oh,” Harrington says. “Your dad doesn't like queers?”

It is really hard not to roll his eyes at that.

“Not really, no.”

“A lot of people doesn't like queer people, Steve,” Buckley says and pats his hand. “Which is why us queers aren't always super eager to tell them we are. Some people even get violent over it.” She gets a pitying look on her face when she glances at Billy. “Sometimes I underestimate how violent some people get even if you only hint at someone being queer.”

“Is that an apology?” Billy asks.

“Maybe I realized last night, that my joke could be taken pretty poorly by those types of people,” Buckley says and Billy narrows his eyes at her. “Especially if they already suspect something.”

“Shut the _fuck _up,” Billy hisses, glances at the staircase, and still is on edge even if Susan isn't within sight and probably didn't hear.

“I'm gonna go now,” Buckley says and stands. “I guess Steve can manage explaining about the Russians by himself, and I know when I'm not wanted. But I am sorry. I'm sorry about the position I put you in with your dad and I'm sorry that you don't recognize a safe space when it's right before you. I guess with it being in your house where you all live wasn't really the best of ideas. But I'll catch you around town when you're mobile again. I think we should hang out sometime.”

“In hell,” Billy calls after her as she leaves the room without a twitch of reaction to his words.

Billy fumes as he stares after her, breathing heavier than usual and heart beating frantically in his chest. He looks at Harrington who looks back.

He doesn't look disgusted or anything so he probably didn't get what they were actually taking about.

“Your friend is a bitch,” he says but Harrington just frowns at him.

“It's okay if you are,” he says and Billy's heart stops beating at all. “I mean, it's okay with me, it obviously isn't okay with your dad-”

“Will you please just tell me about the Russians?” Billy interrupts. He is terrified of where Harrington might think he's going with that. He doesn't think he can handle him being all accepting of Billy's deviant sexuality, isn't sure what he might say in reply to turn him away before he gains too much power over Billy.

Harrington looks at him long and hard and Billy tries to seem relaxed, unaffected by the brief argument between himself and Buckley and all the insinuations and suggestions that Harrington apparently caught onto.

And Harrington takes mercy on him, starts to explain what happened over the summer.

And Billy gives even less of a shit today than he did yesterday about all that happened that he didn't know of because he gets the point of it now.

Bad shit happens.

In Hawkins the bad shit are even weirder than in the rest of the world, probably.

It happens at random to random people.

Some who deserves it, like himself.

Some who doesn't, like Will Byers.

“So the Russians were hiding under the mall and it's their fault the monster was free to possess me and make me fuck up all those people, that are now dead, because they became the big monster, who stabbed through my chest and then blew up because Chief Hopper sacrificed himself to stop the machine that allowed it to be here,” Billy sums up when Harrington falls silent.

“Yeah, I guess,” he says.

“Huh,” Billy says. He thinks it over for a moment, tries to accept it as truth. “So if I hadn't crashed my car outside the abandoned building, someone else probably would've.”

“I don't know,” Harrington says with a shrug. “I guess?”

“So it didn't like pick me specifically?” he asks. He is aware that his voice has grown increasingly small with his questions, but fuck. He really, really wants this to be true. He hadn't realized how much he needs this to be true until right now.

“I don't think it works like that, but I'm not really an expert.” Harrington says it with a shrug. A distant part of Billy brain briefly wonders at Harrington not having to get up to pee already, as he has finished both his cup of coffee and Buckley's glass of water.

The thought is just as quickly dismissed as it appeared.

“So it's not because I'm...” He gestures at himself but trails off, clears his throat which suddenly feels dry and uncomfortable and too tight for words to exit through.

But Harrington waits quietly for him and Billy can feel his face warmth at the focused look that is directed at him.

“Because I'm some sort of monster.” The last word is hardly audible, especially with the way Harrington shoots from his seat and quickly gets to Billy's side, dropping to his knees to meet him face-to-face.

“No. Absolutely not,” he says and he sounds so sure Billy can't meet his eyes.

But Harrington stays kneeling beside him even when Billy looks away from him.

“I've been thinking it over, like considering the similarities between you and Will, and if it picked him too there is no way it would pick-”

“Maybe it decided that a nice boy didn't work like it wanted,” Billy can't help but interrupt. “And then I was there and full of anger and violence and shame and-”

“Fear and hurt and loneliness?” Harrington interrupts right back.

And Billy has no words to reply to that. He just stares at Harrington, trying to gauge for any insincerity in his words and finding none.

“That's what Will was full off and don't hit me, but I think you were too.” Harrington takes Billy's hand and squeezes it and Billy just stares at his face. “The way I figure it went, the monster saw you and recognized some of the feelings Will had been full of and it decided to use you like it tried with Will. Or maybe the feelings made you vulnerable. Like, if you were so full of anger and violence, there wouldn't have been space for it in your head, right? Because, they're pretty strong emotions, makes you kinda bigger than your body while fear and loneliness makes you feel all small. I'm not really sure about it, but there is something I am 100 percent sure off.”

“What?” Billy asks. His voice is a croak, a hitched sob and he thinks he might be crying.

He keeps looking into Harrington's eyes though.

“No part of it, none, was your fault.”

And Billy sobs.

Harrington pulls him in for a hug and Billy can't keep it contained any more so it all just...

Spills out.

With his face pressed against Harrington's shoulder the dam breaks and the tears he has tried to keep back, that he thought was let out definitively yesterday, escapes. His breath comes in hiccuping sobs and it's only the awareness that Susan is just upstairs that keep him from outright wailing.

Everything just hurts so much.

His body, of course, but also his heart.

His heart hurts so much.

He almost can't remember a time where it hasn't.

He can't remember being held like this since his mom.

The thought of her makes him cry even harder, and he clenches his hands in Harrington's shirt, hopes he never lets go in return and is rewarded by him tightening his embrace.

It almost feels like his putting Billy back together again.

Makes him a real, unbroken boy.

He doesn't know for how long he cries.

He is aware that when he lets go of Harrington's shirt and he pulls away his shoulder is soaked. It's embarrassing, but Billy doesn't have the energy to care.

“You okay?” he asks.

“Never tell anyone about this,” Billy replies weakly, and he doesn't mean it vvery much, says it mostly out of instinct. He doubts Harrington would tell anyone he had Billy crying his eyes out on his shoulder.

“I would never do that to one of my friends,” Harrington says and he is really too close for the look the share.

“We're friends now?” Billy asks.

“Yes,” Harrington says with decisiveness. “Heart-to-hearts means friends. Billy.”

His name on Harrington's lips is almost too much to bear.

“Friends then, Steve.”

And Steve grins, broad and gorgeous and Billy can't help but dart a glance at his mouth, which Steve definitely catches.

But he doesn't look disgusted.

He blushes slightly though.

It looks beautiful on him and Billy must look like the love-struck fool he feels like. Red-rimmed eyes and blotchy cheeks and all.

“Right,” Steve says after a moment and gets up. “So you're probably completely bombed now, so I should go.”

“Right,” Billy says.

“I'll come by again soon, just to hang out this time?”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Good.”

Steve takes the cup and the glass to the kitchen and returns to the living room to give Billy an awkward wave.

“I'll see you in a couple days?” he asks. “I have the daytime shift during the weekend.”

“Sounds good,” Billy says. But then Steve starts to leave the room and he can't stop from calling out “Wait.”

Steve stops and turns back to him.

“Yeah?”

“Since we're friends now, I thought you ought to know,” Billy begins and then courage leaves him.

“Friends do tell each other their secrets and never gets upset about it. Except maybe if it's about cheating, which is-” Steve starts saying when Billy doesn't continue.

“I'm gay.”

“Oh, right.” Steve smiles all friendly at him. “I kind of thought you might be.”

“How?”

Billy has not been too obvious, he knows this. He cannot be obvious. This is life or death to him.

“Max might have insinuated.”

“I'll kill her,” Billy says and slumps deeper into the couch as the rush of anxiety drains from his body and he feels even more exhausted than before, impossible though it should be.

“Please don't,” Steve says. He is smiling but it has an edge of teasing Billy isn't used to have directed at himself. “She also told me about this thing called bisexuality.”

Billy freezes. Not outwardly, at least not so Steve would see. But inside his head no thoughts are formed and his heart might have stopped.

“And you know, I've been thinking about it for a while and you know, I think it sounds really neat.”

“Oh.”

Steve smiles at Billy's lacking response, looks to the floor then back at Billy. His cheeks are definitely redder than usual.

Steve Harrington is blushing at him.

“I'll see you on Monday,” he says and leaves hurriedly.

“Bye,” Billy says after him, prompted be the sound of the front door falling shut.

Then he lies back, gets as comfortable as he can.

Hides his surely eyes with his hands.

And grins.


End file.
